Today I heard a term that I never would have guessed was about me. At least not these days. I’ve been married for about 80 years, (I count by feeling, not anni) we have a 2 year old daughter, we’re both Jewish and we attend services together most Friday nights.

We like a great many of the same programs, we’re both into Sci-Fi and terrible zombie movies; we’re both white and we had our daughter the old fashioned way (she wasn’t IVF or adopted or kidnapped). So when I was asked to join a group on ITR involving mixed relationships, I thought they had the wrong person.

So I clicked on the Group, “Mixed Relationships” and I read the membership statement: “This group is designed as support to those in recovery who are in a relationship with those who are not.” My wife is not “one of us”, which makes me “in a mixed relationship.” Isn’t that a blast? I’m so trendy.

I’ve been clean, BTGOG, for over 26 years. None of my 4 kids have ever seen me high, loaded or intoxicated. The fact that my wife has a sip of a margarita about once every 2 months at a restaurant does not even phase me. She doesn’t drink to get loaded; she doesn’t drink to lose her inhibitions; she doesn’t drink because it’s the only way she knows to have fun.  No, she orders a margarita when we’re out at a restaurant that brags about their margaritas, and ends up taking one or two sips and letting it sit on the table for the rest of the meal, and leaves it behind when we leave.

In fact, on New Years Eve, she doesn’t even drink champagne. She joins me in having a glass of sparkling apple juice or grape juice to bring in the new year. So, what kind of ESH could I possibly have for that group, or anyone else for that matter? And am I really in a mixed relationship?

Well, let me start by saying that I have never been able to put a drink down on the table and let it sit there all night. And who could stop at one? And how can you let the ice melt before finishing the drink? And if you’re not going to finish that, mind if I take a sip? …or finish it for you?

I can only imagine that it’s because I have time in this program; combined with a relationship with a Sponsor, working the steps, regular meetings, contact with others in the Program, service work and a sound foundation, that made that even remotely possible. So, as with everything else that prepared us for the journey of our recovery, what you learn in the first 30 days is what you need to use for the next infinite number of years. And I am living proof, whether or not this is really a “Mixed Relationship,” that it works if you work it.

I love this program!

I’m not quite sure why I even remember things like this, let alone want to make them the topic of a blog posting, but, there you have it, and here it is. Y’see, it’s about my first wife. “First wife?” you might say. “So what. Lots of us ITR have had multiple marriages.” But for me, number 1 is 4 wives ago and barely lasted a spec in the sands of time.

I met my first wife around the same time I met dope. Soon after, I introduced them to each other, and the three of us had a love triangle. I think if we could have married the drug, we would have, but I’m sure it was present at our wedding.

We got married, in my opinion, because we were doing drugs and having sex, and both of us were were both young and dumb. And marriage, so I thought, seemed like the next logical step in our relationship.

Barely a year or a year and a half later, we got divorced over jealousy. I thought she liked the third party in our love triangle more than she liked me, and she felt the same way about me. So, that was that. One night, after a long party, one of us wanted to keep going and the other didn’t, so we yelled at each other, fought with each other, and when she started hitting me I picked her up and put her out, like a cat, and locked the door behind her. At the time she was also doing my “boss”, so it all worked out for the best.

Then one day, about 8 or 9 steps later, I stumbled upon her name and phone number and gave her a call. Yes, we all know that RT told me *not* to contact the ex-wives and girlfriends; but if we don’t, how do we ever find out how correct our Sponsors are?

“One” said that she would meet me, but it had to be in a public place.  After coffee, we went back to her apartment. There she told me that she was still afraid of me.  With a question and answer period going both ways for about an hour, the meeting seemed appropriate to adjourn.  I left thinking that she was still not a very happy person, although I had moved on, because I got clean.

Other things that came to mind were that I hoped she would get happy, get clean and stop being afraid of me.  And lastly, that my Sponsor was prolly correct; I don’t think “One” got anything out of the visit, except high afterwards, and not by or from me.

Like I said, I’m not sure why I remembered this incident, but I do think that everything happens for a reason, even if I don’t know what that reason may be.

I love this program!

Defects of Character?  Not Me, You Must Be Mistaken

If you’re just joining us, let me give you a quick recap…..no, not really.  But if you’re wondering why it looks like I’m skipping around, (and that even goes for the folks that have been following along), consider this:  I’ve been clean for a few 24’s in a row now; and I’ve been through the steps a few times, also.  What I’m saying is, maybe I’m not skipping around – maybe I’m back around to this step again; or maybe I’m just writing out memories of working those steps in the order in which I remember working them.

The point is, that whatever the reason and regardless of what step I’m working or writing about, the steps are in order for a reason and they need to be worked with a Sponsor, and in that order.  And your Sponsor needs to have a Sponsor who works the steps in that order.  And so on.  Don’t think that you can read my blog and then share how you just worked the steps.  I’ve already sponsored that guy. I think he’s using again.

The reason I’m prefacing this blog post with those cautionary words is because this post is about the sixth (6^th) and seventh (7^th) steps.  Together.  And the last step I wrote about wasn’t the fifth (5^th).

You see, when I woke up this morning, I had this overwhelming need to talk about these steps.  Don’t ask me why.  In fact, as I’ve come to believe, most things happen for a reason – and the reason does not have to be clear.  Now – or ever.

So, anyway, it was time for me to move on and my Sponsor gave me an assignment.  He said, “These are exercises in willingness.  That’s all. They are simple, non-threatening; and in themselves, meaningless. Their only benefit will be for you to experience how it feels, and to be willing to change what you do. Practice them each over a period of 4 weeks. Do not tell anyone what you are doing it for. This will prevent trading your efforts for attention & approval. Think of this as a way of SHOWING your GOD – not just telling HIM – that you are willing to become a better person.”

And here are the assignments he gave me:
1- Do something nice for someone – without letting them know it.  This should be a minor act. No direct contact with the person. And do it for 4 weeks.
2- Starting the second week, drive exactly at the speed limit for 4 weeks.
3- Beginning the 3rd week, meditate daily for 20 minutes.
4- At the outset of week four, for 4 weeks, change an item of clothing (i.e. if you always wear a ring on one hand – wear it on the other – or some other habitual dressing pattern).
5- Week 5, choose a person you don’t much care for.  Find something new and positive to compliment that person on. Do it honestly.  And do it for 4 weeks.
6- As week 6 begins, find a new recreational activity.  Or one you haven’t done in a long time. Devote 1-3 hours a week to it for 4 weeks.

Now, me, I made a game out of most of it.

Back in Florida, some of the highways were toll roads.  And back then, I don’t know about now, but there was no Toll Tag or Express Pass or other drive-right-through-and-we’ll-bill-you-later gizmo on your windshield.  We actually had to stop and pay a toll.  So I would try and find some good looking girl driving a car, with some guy sitting next to her, and skip right in front of her at the toll booth and pay for me and give an extra quarter for the girl and tell the toll taker that it was for the car behind me.  Then I’d goose the motor just enough to get out of the way and watch in my rear view as the toll taker told the girl that the guy on the motorcycle paid her toll for her – and then try to catch the guy saying, “Where the hell do you know him from?”

Now the speed limit thing was pretty easy.  I never drive over the speed limit. Your Honor. But I knew a guy, who when given this assignment, on the very first day, he got a speeding ticket. How’s that for willingness?

I’ll skip the next couple, also a bit boring and easy, but on week five, I had some more fun. There was this guy who would come to meetings and share the most ridiculous stuff (at least, back then, I thought it was ridiculous) and he never said, “My name is (name removed), I’m an addict,” he’d say, “My name is (name removed) and I’m *definitely* an addict.” And that always got under my skin.  What, he was and some of the rest of us weren’t?  I oughta smack …. Never mind.  But it just so happened, on the very first day of my fifth week on this assignment, he came to the meeting wearing these really kewl sunglasses.  So I would go up to him and say, “Hey, Definitely (name removed), those are really nice sunglasses.”  And he’d say, “Thank you.” And I’d walk away.  And I did this every day for four weeks.  And at the end of the four weeks I always wondered if he ever thought about why I did that or why I stopped.

When it was all said and done, when I went back to my Sponsor, he asked me if I learned anything from the assignment.  I told him that Definitely (name removed) had good taste in sunglasses.  I think he wanted to smack me.

Besides for some of the obvious stuff and some other Sponsor-Sponsee stuff he also told me that no matter how much you might dislike a person, if you look closely enough, you can always find something that you can find to like about the person. And that’s one of the biggest things I take away from that assignment.

Even to this day, some 20-odd years later, even when I deal with people who I feel are useless and wastes of skin and air; people who I would consider disrespectful and not worth an effort, I always try and give my thinking a second chance – a chance to look a little deeper and see if there’s not some quality about the person that I could find worthwhile, even if it is only their taste in sunglasses.

I love this program!

No matter what Program you follow, no matter what Fellowship you belong to, no matter where you went or didn’t go to rehab, if you follow a set of 12 Steps, there is a set of four words, repeated in two different steps, that is always written just a little different. If the steps are in Times New Roman, these four words will be in italics; if the steps are in italics, these four words are in bold print; if the steps are in comic sans these four words are in Times New Roman. If you don’t believe me, go and get your book and check it out. I’ll wait here for you to get back.

Now, I don’t know if that means anything to you, but it does to me. For me it means that for some reason our “forefathers” have decided that these four words have a very special place in the steps. So, for the purpose of working either of these steps, I feel that my Sponsees (and I) need to take a trip down the “As We Understood Him” path for a few minutes.

So, what does “As we understood Him” mean?

I can tell you how I used to understand Him. In my earlier days I had a “gotchagod”. My mother would say, “Young Man, you do that again and God’s gonna getcha!” For my first six years I thought my name was “Young Man You’re In For It When Your Father Gets Home.” And for short, they would call me, “Young Man.”

As I got a little older, I turned to religion. And as a Jewish boy in NY, that meant wearing tzitzit under my shirt to school, a yarmulke on my head and going to shul to doven 2ce a day. For those of you that know better, yes, it’s really three services a day; morning shachrit was one, but afternoon mincha and evening maariv were done one after the other at our shul so we only needed to make 2 trips there!

But after a few years of misunderstanding Him in that capacity, I woke up one Saturday morning, grabbed a handful of cash, jumped on a bus and went down to the local hamburger joint for a double bacon cheeseburger.  And that was that.  For then.

A few years later, while in my using phase, I didn’t believe that God even existed.  My thinking was, ‘How could an omnipotent being allow the kind of things that were happening to happen’, unless He was some sort of cruel, sick, bastard, or He didn’t exist.  And I wasn’t just thinking about those bad things that were happening to me, because those things really should’ve been first on any God’s list!  But I was even concerned about the starving farmers in Kansas, or where ever farmers were starving (and that’s about how much concern I had in between dope runs).

When I got clean, it took quite a while and a few more changes before I happened upon my current understanding of Him.  I had a great deal of help from my Sponsor, I can assure you of that!  But even the changes that I went through, including wondering why the Text didn’t give room for a “Her” or a “Goddess”; or those that don’t believe or aren’t sure; or any of the thousands of other possible ways that we use to make ourselves unique, special and different, just like everyone else.

And I think that’s the point.  The Steps say, “As we understood Him”.  Not “As I understood Him.” Or “As we understand Him.”  It says, “As we understood Him.”  Our collective understanding of an all knowing, all powerful, all loving and all forgiving Power that is greater than any one of us and all of us, but has been here to see us through since long before you or I stopped getting loaded.

And why that’s important to me is because it allows me to have my very own individual belief in a God, Goddess, or nothing; and still have and be a part of a group whose combined understanding can provide me with a Power so much greater than myself that it can – and does – help to keep me coming back – and free from active addiction.

Today, I am once again a practicing Jew; although not as religious as I was in High School.  My understanding is like a mixed bag of nuts.  I have a personal relationship, which I take care of through an organized religion, yet, I also have an understanding of Him which works through the Text, the meetings, the people, ITR, my Sponsees, my Sponsor, and in all sorts of places that I might not have even considered, which enter and exit my life at various times to help me to stay clean.

And if all that wasn’t confusing enough, the actual naming of God, whether it be Jesus, Buddha, Yahweh or any other specific religious credit, although may be appropriate for ITR, blogs, and private step work, has no business in a meeting.  When someone names their divinity in a meeting they are providing one more way for themselves or others who want to find something different about themselves, to use, so they can say that it can’t work for them.  Meetings are about sharing the similarities.  Save your uniqueness for someone who cares.  And that’s just how I see it.

I love this program!

My thoughts on the steps aren’t always the most popular.  Sometimes, I see the step for something completely different than those that are sharing about it in a Step Meeting. For example:

I was thinking about the 9^th step today.  Now that I’m sponsoring people again, I watch them fumble through the steps like I did the first few times, and smile to myself at the innocence of all that guilt.

Nine starts out telling us that we need to make amends wherever possible.  But here’s the part that most people forget.  The rest of the ninth step says, “Except when to do so would injure them or others”.  You know who counts as others?  Everyone.  You and me, included.

If you cheat on your wife, that’s terrible.  But if you tell her, who does it help? Is it important that you be honest?  Is it important that she know the truth? Will it hurt or injure her?

If you commit a crime, and you tell the cops about it, who does it help?  The cops?  The DA?  Can it hurt your chances of ever getting a good job or going back to school?

If you and I commit a crime together and you feel bad about it afterwards, will someone get hurt by you ‘getting it off your chest’?

The second half of the ninth step says that if it hurts them or someone else, than it isn’t really making ‘an amend’!  So don’t do it!

You can tell your sponsor; you can tell your Rabbi; you can tell your mistress; but if it hurts you, the person you’re telling, or the person you did the thing with, than it isn’t following the intent of the step.

When I was using, I had a “job”.  I also had a relative that liked the money I was making and the trips I was taking and begged me for months to let him help me “just one time”.  After months of telling him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, I finally let him help me and I paid him handsomely for his help.

When I had a year and a half clean I was picked up by the DEA for stuff that happened more than three years earlier.  One of the things they told me, was that someone walked into the Miami office of the DEA and said that he felt bad about something he did and wanted to clear their conscience, by doing a “Ninth Step” on it, so he told the Agents all about this trip that he took with his relative.

Now, seriously, folks, what part of ‘not injuring others’ did you not understand?

On the other side of that Lincoln head, I was brought to Delaware to go before the AUSA surrounding those same tales.  The nice thing about my drug use is that I had no memory of most of the things that happened during my last 2 or 3 years using.  My Grand Jury testimony sounds like a 10 year old who, when left alone, broke a lamp, and then was then questioned about the broken lamp.  “I don’t know.” “I don’t remember.”  “I believe you, but I have no memory of it.”  And 3 or 4 hours more of that and my presence was no longer required.

This is why the steps are in order.  This is why you do one before two and two before three and so on.  This is why, after having done a fourth and then working the fifth, sixth and seventh with a sponsor, are we able to bring the correct list of people we had harmed, the correct willingness to make amends and our Sponsor’s direction in order to make these amends, except when to do so would injure those we are planning on making amends to, as well as others!

Don’t think, like I did, “Hey!  I’m clean 2 weeks, now!  I’m ready to make amends!”  Like my Sponsor likes to tell me, “They’re in order for a reason; and the reason is, that when you do them out of order, they don’t work!”

Additionally, people from my 4th Step that my Spons’ told me not to contact, included a number of ex-wives and ex-girlfriends.  He said that contacting them would do them no good.  He told me that opening up old wounds and pouring salt into those wounds, was the opposite of working a 9th Step. You just gotta love my Sponsor – and my Sponsees.

I love this Program!

I’m having a rather tough day today. The water line out at Caiman Ranch blew a gasket and I got the message at 1300 hours. I’m in Texas, in the middle of a record breaking heat wave and drought, with temperatures reaching 100 degrees 30 days in a row, 60 days so far this year with our year-to-date rainfall under 1.7 inches.  And I have to try and work, under these conditions, in the heat of the day.

Then I get home, shower, grab a Gatorade G2, jump online and check out my favorite recovery oriented social networking site, InTheRooms.com, or ‘ITR’ to its in crowd.  I login, and lo and behold, some nitwit, named waiting_for_the_miracle, who must have nothing better to do, has posted a flaming comment on my profile page, which reads:

“26 years in Recovery and in an “Open Relationship”. Sicko! Very bad example of someone sober. Most people in recovery grow beyond that in there first year of recovery! You should be ashamed of yourself!…but then again there is psychotics in recovery too”

I was going to delete it. I was going to forget about it. I was going to just say, “The Hell with it.” And then, my evil twin took over, and this is what I replied in comment boxes on his profile:

“Maybe you just need to wait a little while longer for the miracle, douche bag. I guess it’s a good thing I’m clean and not simply sober. But moreover, when you flame someone, “most people get over that in ‘their’ first year”, you illiterate imbecile.
Additionally, just hearing from you, I know that there “are” psychotics in recovery, too.” High school was rather tough, huh?
Furthermore, “Open” is a decision my wife and I made together. It’s not cheating or dirty. And if you weren’t a limp dick moron, you might find that alternative lifestyles are far more interesting when there aren’t any drugs.”

I did, however, use their and there correctly.  Oh, hell; I’ll shoot my sponsor an email about it later.  I guess that’s what 4th, 5th, 8th and 9th steps are for.  One day, maybe I’ll be cured and not have to go through these types of things.  Not so much, huh?

I love this program.

I have always had run of the mill experiences at Lifetime Vision Care and with Dr. Bergeron; until my latest visit. It started with me dropping by the office at 0900, either Monday or Tuesday, 25 or 26 July. All I wanted was a pair of sunglasses, like the clear glasses I had in my hand. Same frame, same prescription. Just another pair of glasses, just like the ones I had in my hand, which I also got from LVC.

I made my request clear. I stated that it was near the end of the month, I had no money left from my VA Compensation check. I had no cash. I told them that I needed it to be covered by my insurance, under my wife’s eye care policy. I needed it not to burden me financially. I was clear about that.
I was ushered into the “Frames Room”. The girl in that room opened up a file folder and said, “Here are a few frames that would normally be covered by your insurance, but your prescription expired and we can’t really give you a new pair of glasses.”

I told her that I didn’t want new glasses. I was happy with the old prescription. They didn’t have to bother going through all the trouble. Just take the glasses I had in my hand and make another pair, exactly the same, except as sunglasses.

Once again I was told that they usually don’t make new glasses once the prescription has expired. I asked when it expired, why was it a problem and what were my alternatives? The girl said that she could make me an appointment to see the doctor and then I could get new glasses.

I plainly asked, “Will the insurance cover it? I have no more money for the month.” I was told that it would, so an appointment was made for me to come back the very next morning.

The next morning I was ushered in. I was given a few eye tests. Then I was asked if I would like some special test that the doctor likes to do. I reiterated my cash concern and asked if the insurance covered this other test. I was told that it did not, so I declined. I was then lead into another room where another assistant did some other testing before Doctor Bergeron came in.

The doctor did some “This one or this one” testing and then asked me about my visit. I mentioned that I was broke, came in only for sunglasses, but was kind of forced to take this appointment. He asked, “You’re completely broke?” And I answered that I don’t get my compensation check, as a disabled veteran, until the first; so at the end of the month, I am always out of money for a week or so, before the next month’s check arrives.

He then asked me something that I thought was kind of personal, unless he was planning on giving me a price break, and asked how much money my compensation check was. I didn’t feel like telling this stranger how much I get; it’s not like he’d tell me how much he made each month, but when he guessed a fairly wide margin around the right dollar range I acknowledged that he was close. He then said, “So you make between (such and such) and (such and such) a year?” I again acknowledged that he was in the right ballpark, but I was still uncomfortable telling an outsider how much my check was for when this information was not being used on a financial hardship application.

And then the doctor said, “You’re not disabled. Anyone who can ride a motorcycle isn’t disabled. You’re not disabled.” All of which I found very offensive and insulting.

This man does not live in my skin. He does not walk (or should I say, “Limp”?) in my shoes. He doesn’t spend countless hours a week having to be taken care of by his wife because he can no longer put weight on his leg towards the end of the afternoon; or be helped in and out of the shower because his back is burning from a normal day’s usage.

This man did not have my surgeries; did not go through my rehab; did not have to put a prosthetic devise on his left leg that morning in order to make it to a doctor’s appointment. But I remained polite and simply stated that indeed I was a disabled veteran of the United States Armed Forces.

Finally it was time to look at frames. The young lady from the previous day came out to assist. She again took out a folder and she let me know that my insurance did cover a whole line of frames. I chose a frame similar to a pair of glasses that I already had, which I had gotten there, as well.

When it was all said and done, I asked again, “And the insurance will cover these?” Again I was told that it would. So I sat back and watched her write down the size and the frame and the insurance coverage and some other information on a piece of paper; and then she said, “Do you want them (something to do with shatter-resistant)? It would add $39.00 to the cost.” I said, “No, I’m broke. I’m going to have to skip that this time.”

Then she ushered me over to the counter to check out; and the girl behind the counter said, “Your final cost will be $149. (Or something like that)” And I said, “I thought this was covered by insurance?”

The girl behind the desk answered, “It is. Insurance covers (this part) up to (this amount) and (this part) up to (this amount) and (this part) up to (this amount) and your co-pay for this is (x dollars) and for that is (x dollars), so your total is (whatever it was). “

I said, “I don’t have that. I won’t have that until the first.” She answered, “Then you’ll just need to pay the co-pay for today’s visit which is (whatever it was).”

I said, “I don’t even have that. I am broke until the first. I thought I mentioned that.”

She answered, “In that case, we won’t be able to order the glasses until you come back on the first with at least a deposit in the amount of (whatever).”

I went back. I paid my co-pay. I paid for the glasses. I made sure that I didn’t owe them anything. I made sure that we were square. I got my glasses. And I still have a bad taste in my mouth.

Back in the day, as they say, problems like this would have me breaking tables, throwing chairs, and going home and getting loaded. Today, I write a little letter, tell my story, and go on to the next obstacle on my journey!

I love this program.

As seen in Biker Living Magazine:

I know I’ve discussed this before, but it merits a rewrite. Remember me telling you the story of why I chose The Lone Star as the State I wanted to retire in? I was sitting on my couch, watching late night TV; contemplated where I wanted to spend my retirement; sent away for all the different “Come to my State” videos; and then there was, “Come to Texas”. Texas’ DVD said, “Seventy-eight degrees all year long”. Now you remember?

Well, the reason I tell this story is because lately, it’s not been 78 degrees here. Well, maybe on the way up to 100. And don’t count on a winter to cool you off. Texas winters consist of about four days. One in December, one in January and two in February.

It’s hot here. It’s very hot here. It’s so hot that when I first moved here, I had the electrician add a special setting to my thermostat called, “Blizzard”.

And with the heat, comes its own very special set of heat related problems. The three most common heat problems are heat cramps, heat exhaustion and heat stroke. So, I’m going to tell youse how to prevent those things from happening, so they don’t ruin your rally, and you won’t need to call me.

First, heat cramps are muscle cramps that occur because it’s hot. The muscles spasm or jerk involuntarily.

Cramping can occur immediately, during or after use, or even be delayed up to a few hours. Heat cramps usually occur in the toes, calves, biceps and abdomen. Usually.
Heat exhaustion can develop after spending time in the Texas heat and inadequate fluid replacement. Heat exhaustion is most likely to strike people with high blood pressure and people spending long hours in the sun.
Heat stroke occurs when your core body temperature becomes dangerously elevated. It can also trigger physical and neurological symptoms. Heat stroke is a medical emergency that can be fatal if not properly and promptly treated.

The body is normally able to shed heat through the skin. In extreme heat, high humidity, or vigorous exertion, the body may not be able to shed the heat and the core body temperature rises.

Another cause of heat stroke is dehydration. If the body can’t produce enough sweat to shed heat through evaporation, the core body temperature can also rise.
Signs and symptoms for heat cramps include muscle cramps and spasms; heat exhaustion include heavy sweating, paleness, weakness, dizziness, headache and nausea; and not treating the early signs can lead to heat stroke which tends to end with vomiting, fatigue, and death.

Other symptoms may include the absence of sweating, difficulty breathing, erratic behavior, hallucinations and disorientation. Same thing you see in the mirror after a long Saturday night.

For mild cases of heat exhaustion, put the person in a cool, shaded area. Give him or her fluids such as water or a sports drink – or, preferably, a mixture of ½ water and ½ sports drink. Salted snacks can be given, as tolerated, to help replace the salt loss.

Loosen or remove clothing, apply cool water to the skin, especially under the arms and between the thighs. If you’re having trouble or feeling embarrassed working with women in that way, give me a call. I’d be happy to help.
Do not use alcohol rubs or give any beverages containing alcohol to anyone suffering from these symptoms. If you can move the person into a cool area or get a fan to help blow water across the person’s body, that would help.
More than anything else, in order to try and avoid these symptoms, stay hydrated; drink plenty of water and try to stay out of the heat as much as possible. Avoid alcohol and caffeine. Well…try to avoid alcohol and caffeine.

A neat trick in judging your hydration levels is to check the color of your urine when you pee. The darker the color, the more water you need to drink. The lighter the color the lower the chances you have of getting heat cramps.

Stay safe out there.

I know I’m getting old, but this should have nothing to do with age. I don’t know how it works, but confusion and a short attention span seem to be the rule of the day these days. So each day I make myself a little list of things that I would like to accomplish today.

Today’s list included shoring up the framing around Terri’s garden, building a small one-shelf unit to go on the work bench in the craft room and move the freezers in the pantry so that they’re away from the back door, so the back door can open all the way.

Well, it started out easy enough. I walked out the back door pushing past the freezer, knowing I was going to get to it, and headed to Terri’s garden. I saw what she was talking about, where it needed to be shored up and planned the attack. So I went back in the back door, pushing past the freezer that was keeping the door from opening all the way, making a comment out loud, knowing that I would be getting to that later.

I went into the garage, and grabbed a few pieces of scrap wood that I still had lying around, my screw gun and a box of wood screws. I put them all in a bucket and came back in the house through the laundry room.

At the laundry room I realized that there was laundry in the washing machine, still unwashed, and laundry in the dryer, already dry, but just sitting there. So I grabbed a laundry basket, put the dry laundry in the basket and headed to my bedroom with the basket.

I placed the basket on the bed, and went back to the laundry room to start the load of laundry that was in the washer. Then I figured that I might as well go and get the rest of the laundry from my room and the baby’s room and do all of it at once instead of at three different times. And I headed off to the baby’s room to get her dirty laundry.

When I got to her room I saw the crib and remembered that I wanted to remove the outer panel and turn it into a day bed so the baby would feel like she were sleeping in a bed like the big people and not a “baby’s bed”. So I headed back to the garage to get my screw gun.

On the way to the garage, I saw how full the garbage cans were, so I detoured into the kitchen and grabbed a few garbage bags and decided to take the garbage from the baby’s diaper pail, the kitchen and the garbage from my room out to the trash bin.

After grabbing two of the three bags I was working on, I saw that there were dishes in the sink and dishes in the drain board and I realized that the dishes in the drain board needed to be put away and the dishes in and around the sink needed to be washed, so I stopped and washed the dishes.

While washing the dishes I dropped a glass and it broke. As I bent down to pick up the glass pieces, I muttered that it had been far too long since this floor had been properly cleaned and mopped, so I grabbed a bucket and a mop and the floor cleaning liquid and got to work.
When I had gotten finished with the mopping, I was feeling rather hungry, so I left the mop in the bucket and headed to the fridge. I grabbed a few items that are on my diet and brought them over to the table and sat them down.

I looked around for napkins and a plate and saw that there weren’t any napkins in the napkin holder and there weren’t any paper plates next to the napkin holder, where there should have been; or at least, usually are. So I left the table and went back into the pantry and grabbed the bag of napkins and took a handful out and then looked around until I found the paper plates and took them down and grabbed a handful and then realized that the pantry should be in a little better order so that like things were with like things so that you could easily find and get to the things you use the most; so I put the paper goods down on the freezer, which I muttered to myself that I would be getting to later, and began work to rearrange the pantry.

Well, that was going kind of well, I suppose, until I got to a couple of empty milk containers that I had saved and put there, so that one day I could make this milk carton sail boat for the baby to play with in the bath. And what better time than now, I thought, so I grabbed the cartons, went back into the craft room, got out the scissors and sat down and started creating.

Next thing I know, it’s 1800 hours and the front door opens and Terri and the baby are home.

There’s a bucket and mop in the middle of the floor; a bucket with wood blocking the laundry room door; the back door is ajar; the freezers are still blocking its opening; there’s lunch food on the table; I haven’t fixed her garden fence; and Terri wants to know, if I’ve been home all day and I didn’t do anything I started out to do, why is everything in disarray; and what have I been doing all day?

I saw a funny sticker. It read, “Yes, I have ADD, but it doesn’t…oh, look, a squirrel.”

I’m just sayin….

When we first moved in here, I really liked that there were two sinks in the bathroom of the master bedroom. I took the sink on the left, near the wall. In the corner, where the wall met the mirror, I put my stuff; a bottle of cologne, my underarm deodorant, & razor.

On the right of my sink I had a small jar with cotton swabs, a small cup with my toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and depending how far before or after my Locks of Love contributions, there might be a hair brush on the counter; otherwise it would be in the bottom draw between the sinks.

Between the sinks there were three drawers. I got the bottom one. In it I had my extras: Deodorant, cotton swabs, sometimes a hair brush, extra razor blades and my shoe shine kit. My wife, Terri, got the top two drawers and every other free space on the counter between the sinks and all the way around the right sink.

In addition to that, she added a cabinet between the sink and the tub, about three and a half feet tall, for everything else that wouldn’t fit in two drawers, across the counter, and around the sink. And all this suited me just fine.

However, something happened. I don’t know when it happened, but sometime between then and now, something changed. I didn’t see it; I didn’t hear it; I don’t know how it happened, but something changed. You see, this morning, when I went into the bathroom, I realized that my wife was standing at my sink.

And it wasn’t just that she was standing at my sink, she was brushing her teeth, with all of her tooth and hair paraphernalia gathered around her, and the rest of her stuff stretching from the left side of my sink to the right side of hers, and beyond, to the point of blocking access to my stuff.

Her sink was filled with nail polishes and cotton balls and other glass bottles. Her area around the sink was cluttered with creams and lotions and moisturizers. The drawers were partially open and overflowing with brushes and hair bands and other hair doodads. Every ledge around the tub had numerous bottles of various shampoos and conditioners.

I stopped dead in my tracks at the threshold of the door, staring in disbelief and wondering when that takeover took place. I even went so far as to ask my wife, “Honey, you know there are two sinks in this bathroom, right?”

And she answered, “Yup”, without batting an eye, and kept on with what she was doing.

So I did what any self-respecting man-of-the-house, king-of-his-castle, domineering, alpha male, husband would do: I shoveled my way to my toothbrush, slowly backed back out the door and went into the baby’s bathroom to brush my teeth.

The fact is, that if that is the biggest challenge I face when I wake up in the morning, my life is pretty good.

I love this program!