Defects of Character? Not Me, You Must Be Mistaken
If you’re just joining us, let me give you a quick recap…..no, not really. But if you’re wondering why it looks like I’m skipping around, (and that even goes for the folks that have been following along), consider this: I’ve been clean for a few 24’s in a row now; and I’ve been through the steps a few times, also. What I’m saying is, maybe I’m not skipping around – maybe I’m back around to this step again; or maybe I’m just writing out memories of working those steps in the order in which I remember working them.
The point is, that whatever the reason and regardless of what step I’m working or writing about, the steps are in order for a reason and they need to be worked with a Sponsor, and in that order. And your Sponsor needs to have a Sponsor who works the steps in that order. And so on. Don’t think that you can read my blog and then share how you just worked the steps. I’ve already sponsored that guy. I think he’s using again.
The reason I’m prefacing this blog post with those cautionary words is because this post is about the sixth (6th) and seventh (7th) steps. Together. And the last step I wrote about wasn’t the fifth (5th).
You see, when I woke up this morning, I had this overwhelming need to talk about these steps. Don’t ask me why. In fact, as I’ve come to believe, most things happen for a reason – and the reason does not have to be clear. Now – or ever.
So, anyway, it was time for me to move on and my Sponsor gave me an assignment. He said, “These are exercises in willingness. That’s all. They are simple, non-threatening; and in themselves, meaningless. Their only benefit will be for you to experience how it feels, and to be willing to change what you do. Practice them each over a period of 4 weeks. Do not tell anyone what you are doing it for. This will prevent trading your efforts for attention & approval. Think of this as a way of SHOWING your GOD – not just telling HIM – that you are willing to become a better person.”
And here are the assignments he gave me:
1- Do something nice for someone – without letting them know it. This should be a minor act. No direct contact with the person. And do it for 4 weeks.
2- Starting the second week, drive exactly at the speed limit for 4 weeks.
3- Beginning the 3rd week, meditate daily for 20 minutes.
4- At the outset of week four, for 4 weeks, change an item of clothing (i.e. if you always wear a ring on one hand – wear it on the other – or some other habitual dressing pattern).
5- Week 5, choose a person you don’t much care for. Find something new and positive to compliment that person on. Do it honestly. And do it for 4 weeks.
6- As week 6 begins, find a new recreational activity. Or one you haven’t done in a long time. Devote 1-3 hours a week to it for 4 weeks.
Now, me, I made a game out of most of it.
Back in Florida, some of the highways were toll roads. And back then, I don’t know about now, but there was no Toll Tag or Express Pass or other drive-right-through-and-we’ll-bill-you-later gizmo on your windshield. We actually had to stop and pay a toll. So I would try and find some good looking girl driving a car, with some guy sitting next to her, and skip right in front of her at the toll booth and pay for me and give an extra quarter for the girl and tell the toll taker that it was for the car behind me. Then I’d goose the motor just enough to get out of the way and watch in my rear view as the toll taker told the girl that the guy on the motorcycle paid her toll for her – and then try to catch the guy saying, “Where the hell do you know him from?”
Now the speed limit thing was pretty easy. I never drive over the speed limit. Your Honor. But I knew a guy, who when given this assignment, on the very first day, he got a speeding ticket. How’s that for willingness?
I’ll skip the next couple, also a bit boring and easy, but on week five, I had some more fun. There was this guy who would come to meetings and share the most ridiculous stuff (at least, back then, I thought it was ridiculous) and he never said, “My name is (name removed), I’m an addict,” he’d say, “My name is (name removed) and I’m *definitely* an addict.” And that always got under my skin. What, he was and some of the rest of us weren’t? I oughta smack …. Never mind. But it just so happened, on the very first day of my fifth week on this assignment, he came to the meeting wearing these really kewl sunglasses. So I would go up to him and say, “Hey, Definitely (name removed), those are really nice sunglasses.” And he’d say, “Thank you.” And I’d walk away. And I did this every day for four weeks. And at the end of the four weeks I always wondered if he ever thought about why I did that or why I stopped.
When it was all said and done, when I went back to my Sponsor, he asked me if I learned anything from the assignment. I told him that Definitely (name removed) had good taste in sunglasses. I think he wanted to smack me.
Besides for some of the obvious stuff and some other Sponsor-Sponsee stuff he also told me that no matter how much you might dislike a person, if you look closely enough, you can always find something that you can find to like about the person. And that’s one of the biggest things I take away from that assignment.
Even to this day, some 20-odd years later, even when I deal with people who I feel are useless and wastes of skin and air; people who I would consider disrespectful and not worth an effort, I always try and give my thinking a second chance – a chance to look a little deeper and see if there’s not some quality about the person that I could find worthwhile, even if it is only their taste in sunglasses.
I love this program!